


Lick some serious butt

by Katieof0z



Category: Good Omens (TV), Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett
Genre: Euphemisms, Lessons with madame tracy, M/M, Oblivious Aziraphale (Good Omens), aziraphale is baby, ngk
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-07
Updated: 2019-11-07
Packaged: 2021-01-24 14:08:41
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 680
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21339493
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Katieof0z/pseuds/Katieof0z
Summary: Aziraphale learns some new things while sharing a body with Madame Tracy
Relationships: Aziraphale/Crowley (Good Omens)
Comments: 16
Kudos: 124





	Lick some serious butt

Aziraphale hadn't meant to say it, but there it was.

"We're going to lick some serious butt."

_Lick_.

He knew the phrase was ‘kick butt’, but unfortunately he wasn't in full control of his mouth.

“_Not your mouth_," a voice reminded him.

After having been discorporated and zapped to Heaven, he had, for lack of better words, possessed the first person he could find in London, a certain Madame Tracy. While occupying her body was ideal to get Tadfield, it also meant that she was privy to his thoughts. Which had unfortunately, as they followed behind Crowley onto the airfield, turned to 'scrumptious'.

_Yes_, she considered, _looks like he'd taste good, could lick him all over. _

That was when the whole "lick some serious butt" had slipped out. If had been in his own body, the thought would have made him blush. He was thankful for small miracles that Crowley had assumed it was a genuine slip. 

_A Freudian_ _slip_, Tracy teased, _you obviously want him, why don't you do something about it? I can help, maybe even give you some tips. I may be on in my years but I've learned a few tricks. _

If this conversation hadn't been happening in their head, she would've winked at him.

_ **Help? My dear lady I'm not quite sure what you're suggesting...** _

_I can practically read your mind, no use trying to fool me. I see the way you watch his hips, love. But to tell the truth, who wouldn't be watching? He may be skinny has a beanpole but I bet he could handle a bit of makin’ whoopee.._.

** _I'm not familiar with..._ **

_Oh, you know! "The ol’ horizontal tango", "getting to know him in the biblical sense", "playing hide the salami"..._

_ **Madame, I am an angel, he is a demon, I assure you, things are already quite biblical. But am I correct in assuming that you are suggesting that I... what, throw him into bed and have my way with him? And why on Earth would that involve deli meat?** _

_Are you saying you haven't yet? What are you waiting for, the end of the world?_

**_No, well I just... you may be right, perhaps it is too late_**. 

_We'll _ _get through today, just you watch. Now, what I usually do with my male visitors…_

He saw flashes of pictures from her memories; men gagged or being whipped, chained to the bed or on their knees looking up from the floor, all begging for pleasure.

_ **Oh, my… that’s… ** _

_For later. But for now, how far have you gone together?_

_ **Do you mean on trips?** _

_No… what base have you made it to?_

_ **Are you talking about sports? I'm not following.** _

_What I'm trying to ask is, what is your shared sexual history?_

_**Oh, umm, none…**_

_Oh. Oh no, I showed you too much, I apologize. The things I showed you, you won't be ready for. You won't want to scare him and go too fast. Tell you what, after all this is over, when you two are on your way home tonight, why don't you try just holding his hand? Don’t you worry about the rest of that just yet._

So he pushed the thoughts to the back of his mind. There was the more pressing matter of the end of the world, anyway.

He didn’t think about Madame Tracy’s words until much later, once Adam had given him his own body back, and all Aziraphales thoughts were his own again, once they were certain there was going to be no Apocalypse, and it looked like everything was going to be alright after all. Only once it was just the two of them sitting on the bench, chatting away as the bus pulled up, did Aziraphale remember what Madam Tracy had said. So, when Crowley sat down, he slid into the seat next to him and clasped their hands together. They sat in silence, the bus miraculously making its way to Crowley's flat, and Aziraphale remembered something else Madam Tracy had mentioned. 

"Crowley, what does ‘tossing the salad’ mean?"

  
"Ngk."  
  
  


**Author's Note:**

> This story wouldnt exist without the amazing people on the Good Omens reddit discord (hot sauce)
> 
> Special thanks to @squiddz for beta reading because I cant use punctuation


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